[Slap] I’d like [Punch] to Endorse Mitt [Kick] Romney for [Backhand] President of the [Jab] United States [Stab]

I saw the headline today, just like you.

(blink blink)  WHAT?!!



JUST ONCE, I’d like to see a political candidate say, “You know what? This guy is WORSE than the guy in the other party. YES, America, SERIOUSLY. I meant what I said during the debates: His policy sucks, it won’t work, and it is BAD FOR AMERICA. He’s the WORST REPUBLICAN IN THE COUNTRY, AND OH MY GOSH, LOOK AT HIM!!!   HE STILL IS!”

What do we get instead?  “Former presidential hopeful Rick Santorum urged his supporters to back fellow Republican Mitt Romney’s campaign”.  Well, that’s the pansy expectation I had.

I’m tired of throat-cutting statements and grandeur of woe that we’re subjected to during the debates at how the other candidate is “unqualified” and “has the wrong facts”, followed by the gentle and polite ass-patting as each candidate falls off the block.   As time goes on, we should see less of that, and more “I was friggin’ RIGHT” speeches.   Why be all gracious with your supporters?  It’s not like “pleasing all those supporters” matters a whit now, does it?

Here’s my question.  Why did Santorum not go down fighting if he REALLY thought that Romney was a terrible candidate?  Did you guys get together one night, decide to go to marriage counseling, confess, hold hands and share a tissue and have some make-up sex?   Why the sudden change of heart?

It is not “Sportsman-like” to jump behind and join forces with someone whose views – moments ago – you were trying to disprove “with your vast experience”.  It’s just stupid, and I can’t believe Americans tolerate it.     “Oh hai ‘Merican Voturs…  you know all that stuff I said that was SOOOO important, and you called cheered and clapped for me because I said my opponent doesn’t know squat?   Let’s just say “ta heck with all that silly stuff” and get behind the guy I called “The Worst Republican In The Country”.    “For the Greater Good”, no doubt!

And it’s not accidental.  This isn’t where you fumbled the ball and you’re off the field.  Or when your team just didn’t score enough points.  This is where you intentionally sent the other team’s players to the hospital so that they couldn’t walk for the next 6 months, and then acting like it was an accident.  In return, if you lose at the end of the game, they have to pretend that they knew it was an accident by smiling and waving and saying, “Hey, it’s cool, let’s go on and get the next team”.   And we’re dumb enough to cast a vote for these guys WHO PLAY THIS STUPID GAME.

And I’ve never seen a better definition of “Kiss of Death” than:   Endorsement by Santorum.  I’d rather be endorsed by “Dirty Dave’s Adult Botique”, and if I was Romney, I’d have rejected it and said, “No, really, that’s okay dirtbag.   Go back to whatever hole you dragged your loose carcass out of”.

Did Japan concede and then tell the world, “Hey, the United States is friggin AWESOME!” after we rocked two of their cities?  No, of course not.  Their revenge is loading OUR country with cheap and dangerous consumer goods.  See politicians?  THAT’S how it’s done!

This may be why I can say I’m probably not fit for public service.

But this is spineless cowardice.   You would THINK that this is hopefully(!!) why we eliminated the weakest link (in the nation’s lineup OF weakest links!) in the first place.  If you concede a loss to the winner and then IMMEDIATELY endorse your newfound ex-enemy, then explain why you were debating how YOU were the best guy.  Did a single LOSS shake your faith?  Did it make your ideas and plans suddenly go obsolete?  Did it make you lose so much confidence that now your brilliance has turned immediately to bullstuff and you’re just “going to go along with the other numbskull’s plan”?

If you’re convinced that your idea is best for the country, and you decide later that what is “best for the country” is to get behind someone who merely got the numbers and whipped you, and you lack the yambags to stand up and say, “HEY, YOU STUPID COUNTRY!  MY IDEA WAS HEADS AND SHOULDERS ABOVE WHAT THIS DANGEROUS MOH-RAN IS CONSIDERING”, then your ideas must have SUCKED, they’d have never worked, and you knew it all along.  Go back to the public sector and start at the bottom again.  Maybe you can work your way up and learn to be a leader someday.

And please don’t work in the restaurant industry.  You’ll poison the country with your cooking skills worse – if that’s possible – than your leadership.

Really.  Back away from the Fryer, Santorum.



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